My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
