U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
