Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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