I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
