hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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