I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
