I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
