and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
