What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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