i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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