its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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