your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
