dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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