A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
