It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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