We named our party play list daddy issues
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
