The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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