Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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