I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
