did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
