I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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