Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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