Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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