I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
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I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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