The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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