I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
