woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
