did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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