JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
