When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bring me that man meat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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