goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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