When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
