i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
