yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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