I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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