put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
