Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
