It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i now understand why vodka
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
