yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
