im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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