god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
