She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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