Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
