I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize