I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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