I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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