I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
