Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
