break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
