You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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