btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
