I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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