why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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