I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
