Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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