friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
