I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
