Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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