I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
