My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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