Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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