What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
