Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
