is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
