all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
