We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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